


489

by orphan_account



Series: SHIELD Recruit Survival Tips, A History [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Pranks, SHIELD survival 101, Teambuilding, overprotective teammates, phil has a headache, phil hates jr agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 08:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While we encourage you to give Dr. Banner his space when possible,it does not give you permission to be rude to him. He won't do anything, but his teammates will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	489

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Shield Recruit Survial Tips](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/23448) by various. 



Bruce frowned down at his data, barely registering the hasty exit of the SHIELD recruit on duty as his go-fer for the day. It wasn't anything he wasn't used to, anyway.

"Well, that was rude of him." Tony snorted as he came in.

"Hm? Oh, not really. I honestly almost didn't notice that he'd left." Bruce replied, intent on his work. If he was going to get upset over rudeness, he'd have fled civilization of any kind years ago. Thankfully, his skin was a bit thicker than that. "Besides, some of the other agents just don't even bother showing up. It's really no big."

He didn't catch the frown on Tony's face. He really, really should have.

* * *

1:Good  
Agent MacArthur was on Banner duty. She didn't mind; the doctor was nicer than most of the other technicians. She entered, got his list, and agreed to fetch them for him, asking if he needed a coffee. 

"No, thank you," he replied, surprised. "But if there's any tea, I'll gladly take a cup."

"Of course. I'll be back shortly." she smiled. "Go back to your science." he was already immersed in the work.

She didn't catch the flicker of movement in the upper vents as she left, nor did she realize she had dodged a bullet by being in a very good mood.

* * *

2:Batty  
Agent Dennison was not as lucky. He was gruff, short, and hated that he was a go-fer for the day. Dr. Banner didn't care if he was rude, and all SHIELD recruits knew to give the man his space.  
"Agent Dennison." he snapped to attention.

"A-agent Romanov," he replied. "How can I be of assistance?"

"Oh, just ... hang around, for a while." she replied, fluttering long lashes and moving close, reaching around him.

He never heard Agent Barton open the duct above and drop a rope.

It was four hours before anyone dared let him down, after the Black Widow and Hawkeye had left him dangling by his ankles. They didn't come near until _she_ was off the premises. "What did you do?" asked one of the senior agents.

"I don't know!" he wailed.

* * *

3:Tequila  
Agent Nelson had Banner duty the next day. She was in a horrible mood. The cafeteria was out of coffee, she had only gotten about four hours of sleep, and now she had Hulk-sitting duty. She was snappish and harsh, for all the good it did - Dr. Banner didn't even acknowledge it, just hunched his shoulders a little and told her he didn't need anything, no really, it was fine.

Let it be said, her favorite Avenger was Tony Stark. She was always mildly starstruck when he was around, and she didn't expect him to suddenly sling an arm around her shoulder and declare her his drinking buddy for the day.

She woke up the next moorning with a killer hangover, pink hair, blue skin, no hearing in one ear, and Sharpie mathematics all over her skin.

Phil Coulson read through her report wearily. "What did you _do_?"

"I don't know," she moaned, holding a pounding head and wishing she could turn the lights down.

* * *

**INTERLUDE**  
Phil Coulson stared at the ten-person list of victims to especially vicious Avenger pranks in the last eleven days, looking for some sort of pattern. There was no appearance factor, no correlation between mission assig.... Oh.

All of them had been assigned to Doctor Banner's lab at some point in the last two weeks.

With a groan, Phil popped two more IBProufen and let his head fall forward onto his desk. New recruits were idiots, but surely they wouldn't be that stupid?

He added another Recruit Survival Tip to the unofficial website and sighed. These were seriously getting extensive. Maybe they should print them all off and stick them on an out of the way sticker board somewhere, like the New Agent supply room.

* * *

4: Floor  
Agent Adams retrieved the list, and left. He didn't say a word. Banner didn't so much as look at him. He got everything, put it in a large basket, and returned to the lab. In his five hour shift, he never said a thing.

"Excuse me."

Agent Adams spun, snappy retort at the ready. He had mission reports to fill out and then he wanted to go to bed. The retort died in his throat when he saw that Steve Rogers was standing there.

"Y-yes?" he squeaked.

"Can you hold onto these for me for a minute?" a portfolio was tucked in his hands. "Just wait here, I'll be right back."

Adams nodded, eyes huge.

Agent Coulson rounded the corner and saw the portfolio.

In three seconds, Adams was on the floor twitching and Coulson had retrieved his cards. Steve high-fived Tony around the corner.

* * *

5:Poker Face  
Senior Agent Thistle was annoyed. Very annoyed. She was supposed to be on assignment elsewhere, in the Carribean, but instead she had been assigned to watch Banner and Stark. Ridiculous! This was a recruit job! She leaned heavy on the sarcasm, dealing with the Doctor.

A gleam hit her eyes when she found Stark, Romanov, and Barton playing poker at lunchtime. She was a good poker player, she could probably make a killing off of Stark.

She woke up to someone poking her in the face.

"You really aught to work on your poker face." Stark told her, holding out a hand. Grudgingly, Thistle turned over her entire month's salary. "Pleasure doing business with you." he stalked away.

Forget Natasha, how had Stark of all people swept the floor with the lot of them?!

* * *

6:Sure  
Agent Sommers was new. He'd been told to do what Banner required of him and leave, checking in every so often. He was precise and efficient. He was polite, almost coldly so, but that was just his personality type.

He was permanently assigned as Dr. Banner's lab assisstant. When he asked for a reason, Phil Coulson actually smiled at him.

"You made it through the day without doing anything rude to the good doctor. In other words, you survived and the other Avengers didn't hurt, maim, embarrass, or cheat you. Only one other Agent has managed such a feat in the last month."

Sommers eyes went wide. No wonder the other agents had all watched him wiith pity since he received the assignment. He'd enjoyed it, though, so whatever. Banner, giant green rage monster, was still better than his purple faced former drill sergeant.


End file.
